Below is the 2nd in a new series of blogs created by young people who have experienced parental imprisonment. By sharing these hidden voices, we aim to eradicate the stigma around having a parent in prison, and demonstrate the importance of identification and support for children with a parent in prison.
This is Leah’s (aged 13) story:
There was more fighting going on in the house. I think I would have been like 4 or 5 years old. I can remember it roughly.
I remember one time when we lived in Wokingham, I went round his house. We were sat in the living room and then the police just came in to talk to him.
My mum told me that my dad had gone to prison. We were in the house and she was like ‘Your dad has gone to prison.’ I kind of expected it because I knew some of the stuff he was doing, but I think my sister was a bit more bewildered.
I was like: Why exactly is he in there? How long is he in there for? When did he go in there? What’s really happening? My mum knew most of the answers. I think she said everything.
I didn’t really feel that worried that other children would find out, as for me it wasn’t such a big problem people knowing.
I was in Year Two. The first day back at school I didn’t want anyone to know. Then for a couple weeks it was like, if I tell someone it’s not a big problem, but like I don’t want them to tell anyone else.
One of my friends told other people and then it just spread. I wasn’t really treated differently but some people would come up to me and say ‘Oh did this actually happen?’ or ‘Are you OK?’ and such. They were quite nice about it.
As a child, I was never really scared of someone finding something out. Because if they find out, it’s not gonna matter like a couple of years down the line.
Q. What was the situation when he first went to prison?
I don’t think I was allowed contact because I never went. He was only in there for like 2 years so it was not that long. He would send letters nearer the end of his prison time, but we didn’t really want to see him, because I don’t think my mum wanted us to see the experience of prison.
Q. You’re at secondary school now, does it ever come up at all?
It’s come up a couple times. Like when we’re in class and we’re talking about something like how many siblings we have, and like if they’re full siblings or something. I’ll say something like ‘Oh I’ve technically only got 1 full sibling because it’s Georgia.’
They’re like ‘How come you have more siblings after her then?’ I’ll be like ‘Oh I don’t see my dad’ and then they’ll ask about it. But it wouldn’t be a problem for me, because it’s more about letting them know that things like this do happen. I don’t mind people knowing my story.
Q. How did it feel meeting other children going through a similar situation?
It was kind of like a sigh of relief, because I knew that I wasn’t just an odd person with like family problems and not living that the perfect life.
It was nice to hear other people telling stories about what’s happened to them, and how it’s affected them and that you’re not always alone.
Q. What difference do you think the support from Children Heard and Seen has made?
I think if I didn’t go to Children Heard and Seen, I think my preference would have been to not tell people my story and educate people. I think I would have never said that to anyone. It’s given me the confidence to tell my story.
Q. If you could go back and talk to your younger self, what would you say?
I’d say it all ends up fine in the end.
Q. What would you say to other children going through this at the moment?
I’d say it’s not the end of the world. It may be a hard time, it may really upset you, it can affect you in different ways, but you will get over it. In like 5 or 10 years’ time it won‘t even be such a big problem in your life.
Q. How do you feel about your dad now that you’re a bit older?
I don’t really wanna see him. I know more about what he has done. I know he won’t do any of that to me, but I feel like if he comes closer to me and Georgia, then he‘ll come closer to my mum – and I don’t want that to happen.
Q. Is there anything that you’d like to say to him?
Probably, why did you do what you did? Like why did that go through your head? There’s not really a reason to do any of that.
Q. What are your plans for the future?
I love drama – so like maybe an actor. Or if that doesn’t work out, I’ll be an interior designer. I don’t think what happened with my dad will stop me having the future I want to have. It’s actually kind of made me want to be what I want to be in the future. When I was younger I wouldn’t be dramatic, but now I can just be dramatic and it won‘t mean anything.
Q. Is there anything that you would say to like the people in power that could make changes for children with a parent in prison?
They should be more aware of the situation. They show they are aware, but they’re not necessarily doing anything to help. I think if they take someone to prison, they should check if they have any children. If they do, they should suggest to their other carer some places where they can go to get help.